So I had my annual review at the diabetes clinic earlier this afternoon, and I'm sitting here feeling frustrated and angry.
I will start off by saying that in general, I really like this clinic: the DSNs are awesome, through this clinic I've been on a DAFNE course and moved from Mixtard (when I first arrived) all the way to an insulin pump, and my diabetes management has really improved. However, I have one major grip with the clinic, and it's this: I never see the same doctor twice.
Usually, I find this mildly annoying, but no big deal. Then I had the appointment with Dr Pillock and it really threw me. I was so angry after that appointment, and I sat in that waiting room afterwards waiting to see the DSN feeling like a complete and utter failure. I know that isn't true, and I generally don't feel like that, but now every time I go to that clinic, I sit in the waiting room not knowing which doctor I'm going to see, and I remember that appointment and how I felt, and I stress. The last two appointments I saw a DSN (which was actually quite good) and a doctor who seemed very nice. Today, one of the doctors I've seen before (and got on really well with) was in clinic, so I was hoping I'd get him, and instead I got a patronising *insert naughty word here*
He started off by asking me the same questions they always ask (while reading over my notes) we had the usual surprise that I'm not in regular touch with the DSNs *sigh*,
and I asked about my HbA1c. Turns out it's actually gone done a little bit, and is now 6.7%, which I
was very pleasantly surprised by, as I was convinced it would have gone
up. The last three months covers our honeymoon and all the surrounding
chaos and I felt that I was completely slacking in my diabetes
management. In the last month or so I've got back on track and really
made an effort, and maybe that's what made the difference. Regardless, I
was pleased, but I think part of the reason that I'm so frustrated by
today is that the rest of the appointment took away from that.
Anyway, I mentioned that I thought that some of the reduction in my HbA1c has probably been helped by the fact that my liver doctor is currently in the process of reducing my steroid dose, which he then looked up to see what had been written in my notes, and then proceeded to get confused as to whether I had stopped or not, and why I was on the dose I was on. We then got into a slightly heated debate where he seemed to decide that I didn't understand any of it, stated that "we know what we're doing with prednisolone because we're endocrinologists," explained some of the tests I'd had in baby language, and started to suggest things they could do with my steroids.
At this point I was pretty much ready to bash him over the head with my Biochemistry PhD certificate and tell him that there was no way in hell I was letting him do anything to my steroid dose because I wasn't under his bloody care for that and he'd met me once. *takes a deep breath and counts to ten* Instead, I explained, as calmly as I could (which, to be honest, probably wasn't all that calmly...) that I had discussed all the options with my liver doctor, and that we had decided on a course of action that we were both happy with. He scribbled something in his notes, and stopped pushing the matter.
I'm sorry, but I trust my liver doctor. I've seen him every couple of months for the last two years, and I really like him. He treats me like an individual, and he always discusses my options and asks my opinion. He knows my case far better than some endocrinologist who has just looked at my notes for the first time and decided that he knows better.
Then he went through my last appointment notes, and asked if my basal rates were the same. When I told him that
they were considerably lower (about 40%, because of the reduction in steroids), he said that he didn't want to
write all that down, and moved on...
I just...I feel that the appointments are worse than useless. At best, I get my HbA1c results, and check everything else is ok, and nothing else; at worst, I walk out feeling like this. I don't get anything out of the appointments, and to be honest, I'm not even sure what I *want* to get out of them, but I know that when I have doctors like the one I have today, I don't want to ask questions, I just want to get out of there as soon as I can. And that's not right.
I'm pondering emailing one of the DSNs at the clinic (since
apparently I should be doing that anyway...*coughs*) and asking what the
actual policy is in the clinic, and if there's any way I can make sure
that I see the same doctor/group of doctors. I don't want to make an
actual complaint, but I'm tired of walking out of the clinic feeling
frustrated, and it's pushing me to do something about it.