Diabetes Blog Week Day 5: Tips and Tricks

Let's round out the week by sharing our best diabetes tips and diabetes tricks. From how you organize supplies to how you manage gear on the go/vacation (beach, or skiing, or whatever). From how you keep track of prescription numbers to how you remember to get your orders refilled. How about any “unconventional” diabetes practices, or ways to make diabetes work for YOU (not necessarily how the doctors say to do it!). There's always something we can learn from each other. (Remember though, please no medical advice or dangerous suggestions.) 

For some reason I thought I'd written a post about this before, but apparently not! 

By nature, I can be a bit disorganised, lazy and forgetful. so most of my tips revolve around helping me be organised without really having to think about it and making life a bit easier! In no particular order they are:

• I love these little bags of jelly beans for on-the-go hypo treatments. They're 10g carb each, they don't take up much space and they're individually packed so you can shove them in a bag/pocket whatever and they stay non-sticky and non-squished!

• I also love tiny boxes such as these really useful boxes for robust, sturdy hypo storage.

• I'm also a fan of having hypo stashes all over the house - next to my bed, in the kitchen, next to the couch - with a variety of treatments (little cans of coke, glucotabs, jelly beans or babies) so that I don't have to go far and have a variety options depending on the hypo.

• I also carry syringes with me rather than pens in case of pump issues - they take up considerably less space, I don't have to worry about insulin in the pen cartridge going off and it's more convenient.

• I also have a diabetes emergency stash at work, with everything I might need/break/run out of - I have spare sets, cartridges, hypo treatment, batteries, meter, strips, plasters and opsite - since it's the place I spend most time apart from home. I'm working on having a similar thing in the car.

• I like to have little "on-the-go" bags in my diabetes drawers (where all my stuff is kept) that I can just pick up and stick in whatever bag I'm using. They're just little food storage bags that have a couple of spare sets, some hypo treatments and a syringe. I also have larger ones that have a bit more that I can put in my bag for weekends away so I don't have to think too much about it.

• For help with carb counting we have some of these blackboard stickers on our fridge. One has a small table on it permanently with columns for "food," "weight" and "carbs" and then space at the bottom for total and per portion. This means I can just weigh things and stick the info up and then work out the carb while things are cooking. I also keep a calculator next to the scales, and a list of commonly made meals with carb counts.

• And finally, I have today randomly found out the Bayer contour test trip holders fit 5 fruit pastilles and fit easily into my pocket!

(Also, I swear, I'm not working for Amazon!)

Diabetes Blog week 2016 Day 2: The Other Half of Diabetes

We think a lot about the physical component of diabetes, but the mental component is just as significant. How does diabetes affect you or your loved one mentally or emotionally? How have you learned to deal with the mental aspect of the condition? Any tips, positive phrases, mantras, or ideas to share on getting out of a diabetes funk? (If you are a caregiver to a person with diabetes, write about yourself or your loved one or both!)

I was going to talk about burnout for this, since it's something I'm struggling with a little at the moment, but then I realised I don't really know what to say, and I think lots of people have posted about this, so I thought I'd talk about something a little different, and since the topic is the other half of diabetes, I thought I'd talk about *my* other half and his relationship with me and my diabetes.

So, my husband has a fairly severe phobia of needles, which he's had for a long time. And I'm not talking about the "oh I don't really like needles" (I mean, who does?) type of thing, but the passes out when having vaccinations, gets really queasy even thinking about them kind of phobia. So you can imagine that it's not easy then having to face that phobia on a daily basis.

He has a couple of other friends with diabetes, who had just moved away shortly before he met me. Now, we met online, and there was nothing in my profile about being diabetic, and it never really came up, until one day we were chatting online (before we'd actually met) and I mentioned something about blood sugars.  At which point, I realised I hadn't actually said anything about being diabetic at roughly the same time that he came to the realisation that I was.  And then he tells me about the needle phobia thing, and I wondered if that was going to be the end of things there and then. But we talked about it and he said that he had ways of dealing with it that he'd worked out with his friends, that mainly involved warning him any time I was going to be doing anything with a needle.

We've been together for seven years now, and there have been many diabetes related things for us to deal with. I was on MDI when we started dating, but have since moved onto a pump. I've started using CGM, and I had two seizures due to low blood sugar (one of which happened in our flat). I've had laser for retinopathy (that was fun. Not.) He's considerably less freaked out by my needles now, and he's had to learn all the "wonderful" aspects of living iwth diabetes that you just don't really *get* unless you're doing it, and it's been a learning process for both of us - I've posted before about how I'm usually quite private about my day to day diabetes care, and it's taken a while to be able to share that with him. He's learning when to offer help and when to just offer sympathy, when to let me vent and when to step in on my behalf. He knows where all the hypo stashes are, and how frustrating some diabetes professionals can be.  He's been to a diabetes conference, and is going to another one in June. I think it's opened his eyes to a whole other "normal", and he's I've learned that I don't have to do this alone. I can't imagine it's easy watching a loved one dealing with the ups and downs of diabetes, particularly those times when there's nothing you can do, and I'm always grateful that he's willing to go through this journey with me, both of us learning as we go.

Diabetes Blog Week 2016 Day 1: Message Monday

Lets kick off the week by talking about why we are here, in the diabetes blog space. What is the most important diabetes awareness message to you? Why is that message important for you, and what are you trying to accomplish by sharing it on your blog? 

I don't think I have a particular message or theme that I try to get across in my blog, other than "you are not alone", which I think is common across a lot of diabetes blogs.  I've been part of the DOC for a long time now, starting on forums and gradually moving over to Twitter and Facebook, and blogs happened somewhere along the way.

For me, blogs continued the whole "wow, you too?!" thing that had begun in forums, and I loved being able to read about someone's story, particularly if we were going through similar things.  When I started, there really weren't that many blogs around, and most of the ones that were around were from the US. I thought that maybe I could offer a slightly different perspective coming from the UK, and I've been blogging on and off in one way or another ever since.

I keep coming back to the idea that I'm blogging to send a message, and I guess in some ways I must feel I have something to share, otherwise it would be a private blog, but I don't feel that I blog because I want to stand up and shout about something that's particularly important, it's more like I'm sat in a quiet corner in a bar telling stories about my experience. Hopefully some of those experiences will strike a chord with some people, and they may find something that helps them, even if it's just that other people have crappy days, and horrible clinic appointments, and also take joy in small things that no-one else gets if they don't live with diabetes.  I think I probably blog partly for myself, because there's something therapeutic about writing things down, and partly in the hope that I can maybe help someone else.

Diabetes Blog Week Day 5: Freaky Friday

Just like in the movie, today we’re doing a swap. If you could switch chronic diseases, which one would you choose to deal with instead of diabetes? And while we’re considering other chronic conditions, do you think your participation in the DOC has affected how you treat friends and acquaintances with other medical conditions? (Thanks to Jane of Jane K. Dickinson, RN, PhD, CDE and Bob of T Minus Two for this topic suggestion.)


This is actually a blog post I've been meaning to write for a while. I live with two chronic diseases already - type 1 diabetes and autoimmune hepatitis (AIH) - and I've said for a while that if I was given the opportunity to get rid of one (and only one) of them, I'd get rid of the AIH.  This topic gives me a chance to explain why.

For those of you unfamiliar with AIH there is a fairly good explanation on wikipedia here, but basically my immune system has declared war on my liver (see, it's that bloody immune system again), and is trying to destroy it. It's quite rare, and I have type 2, which is supposed to be even rarer. Diagnosis is through a variety of blood tests (to rule out other as much as anything else) and a liver biopsy (and oh, what fun that is).  There can be many symptoms, but when I was waiting to be diagnosed I mainly had nausea, fatigue and jaundice.  It's hard to explain to people how ill you are when those are the symptoms, because it just sounds like you're a bit sick and tired, but it was pretty damn horrendous.  I had no energy, and I was so tired I would fall asleep watching tv, on the bus, sitting at my desk at work.  Just getting up in the morning was an effort, and the nausea was constant, which made it difficult to eat normally.

It also messed with my blood sugars big time (it was actually first picked up after I had a seizure caused by low blood sugar) and my endo basically explained that my liver was having issues with pumping out it's normal levels of glucose - sometimes it would shove out more, other times it wouldn't be able to do that and the levels would drop.  On top of that, the inflammation and stress on my body would be combining to push my levels up.  It was a bit of a nightmare.

The treatment for AIH is steroids and immune suppression. For those of you who've ever had to deal with steroids and diabetes, I'm sure you can see the problem... I was lucky in that my hepatologist started me off on a dose that was a bit lower than they normally would, and I responded really well to that.  My hep has been fantastic in trying to balance the AIH and diabetes, which has been incredibly helpful. 

So, now my liver numbers have been in the normal range for about two years now, and a second biopsy I had a year ago showed that a the level of damage is considerably less than it was.  I take a bunch of tablets every morning, and had regular blood tests to keep an eye on my liver function and my white blood cell count (something they have to do when you're on immune suppressants).  IT doesn't sound too bad, right? So why would I get rid of it instead of diabetes?

Because I have no control over it.

Diabetes is a pain in the ass - I don't think anyone would dispute that .  However, with diabetes I have a certain level of control. I can monitor my own blood glucose levels.  I can take action if they are out of range.  I can make changes to my treatment on my own, and I can monitor the effects of things like different types of food or exercise, and I can respond to those and then see the results.  I have longer term monitoring at the clinic, but I'm in charge of the day to day stuff, and even when it's not behaving, there are generally things I can do.  I don't feel helpless.

With the AIH, it's the complete opposite.  I rely on blood tests and clinic visits to tell me how I'm doing.  I have no idea what's going on with my numbers, so I can't respond to changes in them.  Flare ups (where the immune system has another go, and your liver numbers rise again) aren't uncommon, and I can't head them off at the pass - basically I'll most likely end up with some of the same symptoms as before, and then have to wait to see my hep before I can change my medication to deal with it.  AIH kills people if it's untreated, and I know of people who have had to have liver transplants because of it.  Diabetes doesn't scare me the way that AIH does. I hate the feeling of being so helpless and basically at the whims of my immune system.  I'd get rid of it in a heartbeat if I could.

In terms of how I treat people with other medical conditions, I think participation in the DOC has kind of changed that, but in a way I hadn't considered until I thought about it.  In the DOC, we've all had those stupid questions from people who have no idea about diabetes.  Thinking about other chronic conditions, I realise that I don't often know much about them.  Being part of the DOC makes me stop and think before I ask questions or assume things, but this has also made me realise that, if I wasn't diabetic, I probably wouldn't know much about diabetes myself, which gives me a little bit more patience with those stupid questions. :)

Diabetes Blog Week 2013: Share and Don't Share

*blows dust off blog* I know I haven't updated this poor neglected blog in a while, but this week is 4th annual Dblog week, and I had such fun doing it last year I thought it would be a good way to get back into the swing of things. :)


Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one's daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don't see?  (Thanks to Melissa Lee of Sweetly Voiced for this topic suggestion.)

 I generally have a pretty good medical team - the DSN's are fantastic, and when I actually get to see my endo he's awesome.  However, I've had some issues with other doctors, and there's a couple of things I'd like them to see. Firstly, that diabetes is not just about numbers - there's a person, who's trying to live a normal life, and deal with all sorts of other issues, and juggle a chronic condition on top of it. Secondly, that diabetes doesn't always play by the rules. I might not fit into your little tick boxes and textbook definitions - that doesn't mean I'm doing things wrong or that I'm a "bad" diabetic.

When you look at my logs and you pounce on out of range numbers and demand an explanation, it makes me feel like I've failed, that somehow by not keeping all of my numbers in range, I must be doing something wrong. It's like being a child hauled in front of the head teacher. Instead, I would like some support, and encouragement.  An acknowledgement of the work and effort I put in to get these results.  Diabetes management isn't perfect. Life isn't perfect.  I would like you to see that, to ask how things are in general, if anything in my life has changed, if I'm having any issues with my diabetes management that I'd like to discuss.  There are so many things that affect my numbers, and insulin and food are only two of those.  When you focus on my logs and those numbers and don't see anything else, you miss all those other factors, and you can't help me.  You can't help me figure out that the reason I sometimes have highs on a Friday evening is because I get stressed out sometimes at lab meeting. You can 't help me decipher those patterns if you're not willing to look beyond the numbers to the person behind them.

In terms of things I don't want them to see? Well... there are many! The times when I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm low, and I don't even bother testing, I just grab some fruit pastilles from the jar beside my bed and go back to sleep (I don't do this all the time)... the times where I get so overwhelmed with carb counting something new or complex that I just take an instinctive stab in the dark...the weird things I do like add 35% extra insulin when I have a large amount of carbs (hey, it works for me).  So many things! Though I guess, if there was some forgiveness of out of range numbers and acknowledgement of life influences, I may feel less guilty about some of those things.

Diabetes Blog Week 2012: Diabetes Hero

Sunday 05/20 Let’s end our week on a high note and blog about our “Diabetes Hero”.  It can be anyone you’d like to recognize or admire, someone you know personally or not, someone with diabetes or maybe a Type 3.  It might be a fabulous endo or CDE.  It could be a d-celebrity or role-model.  It could be another DOC member.  It’s up to you – who is your Diabetes Hero??

I posted last year about my admiration for parents of diabetic children, and my mum (and parents like her) will always be one of my diabetic heroes.

Today, however, I want to talk about another of my diabetic heroes - my lovely husband Stuart. I think it's easy to forget that diabetes affects more than just the people with it - it affects those around them as well.  In my case, as well as living with me and my diabetes, Stuart has done it while dealing with a fairly severe needle phobia.  When we first started dating, I was still on MDI, and we quickly figured out a system where I could warn him that I was about to do my injection (usually by unsubtly saying "hide!"), and he could look away. 

He was there while I went through the process of getting started on my pump.  He supported me every step of the way, even though the very idea of it freaked the hell out of him, because he knew that it was the best thing for me, and by extension, for us. 

 I've said before about how I am quite territorial about my diabetes management, and he lets me get on with my diabetes management on my own, and he doesn't tell me how to do things or judge what I'm doing.  He would never dream of telling me that I shouldn't have a piece of cake because of my diabetes.  He's listened to me rant and moan when I'm having a rough day diabetes wise, or when I've done something stupid like pull out a site.

And he has quite literally picked me up when I've fallen down.  I've only ever had two seizures in 23 years of being diabetic, and they happened about six months apart, both after Stuart and I were living together.  The first happened in a supermarket, and Stuart came to pick me up in A&E, and sat until the wee hours when I was discharged.  The second happened at home, when I went down in the kitchen (pulling a table down with me...) with Stuart in the next room. He called an ambulance, and stayed with me the entire time.  While there is nothing quite as horrible as waking up and realising that you've had a seizure, waking up with him next to me very calmly explaining what had happened and that things were going to be ok? That takes a lot of the scariness out of that scenario.  He waited in A&E with me again, and both times he took the next day off work to look after me.

He has taken me, diabetes and all, to be his wife, and there was even a line in both of our vows about how he picks me up when I fall down.  He is, and always will be, my big gorram hero. <3

Diabetes Blog Week 2012: What they should know

Friday 05/18 Today let’s borrow a topic from a #dsma chat held last September.  The tweet asked “What is one thing you would tell someone that doesn’t have diabetes about living with diabetes?”.  Let’s do a little advocating and post what we wish people knew about diabetes.  Have more than one thing you wish people knew?  Go ahead and tell us everything.

If I was to list everything that I wish other people knew about diabetes, I'd be here all night (and possibly the rest of the weekend too...)  So I'm going to focus on one thing.  One thing that I want people who don't have diabetes to understand about living with diabetes.

It's not easy.

That's it.  One thing.  Living with diabetes and trying to manage it on a daily basis is not easy.  It's such a simple thing, but one that I think a lot of people just don't get.  I think we are very good in the DOC (and by extension diabetics everywhere) at making it look easy.  We just get on with it, because what else are we going to do? Additionally, a lot of the things that we do are invisible - people notice the finger pricking and the injections if they pay attention, and maybe treating a hypo, but the calculations that go through your head when you sit down to eat, or when you try to decide what to do about a walk into town, or how much you need to eat to treat that low, if your set needs changing, or if you need to order supplies, or why the hell are you high/low and a million other little things that we do on a daily basis just to try to keep ourselves ticking over?

Those things aren't really noticeable. I will never forget one of my co-workers saying to me one day that being diabetic was easy, because it just involved testing your blood sugar and taking a couple of injections every day.  That was seriously all that he thought it was about.  (I may have ranted at him for about ten minutes about how wrong he was.  He doesn't believe that anymore... ;) )  But it stuck with me how unaware people are of what we do as diabetics, and thinking about it, if you're not diabetic or looking after someone who is, then you don't really have any reason to know. 

I'm not complaining, because I don't really want pity or sympathy - this is part of my life and complaining about it isn't really going to help (though I reserve my right to rant at the diabetes fairy from time to time!), but I really wish sometimes that people would realise that just because I'm not complaining, and I seem to be doing ok with managing my diabetes and you don't see me doing something as obvious as falling over, it doesn't for one moment mean that it's easy.

Diabetes Blog Week 2012: One thing to improve

Wednesday 05/16 Yesterday we gave ourselves and our loved ones a big pat on the back for one thing we are great at.  Today let’s look at the flip-side.  We probably all have one thing we could try to do better.  Why not make today the day we start working on it.  No judgments, no scolding, just sharing one small thing we can improve so the DOC can cheer us on!

So I could probably write a list as long as my arm about things I could do better - I'm not perfect, and while I muddle along fairly happily with my diabetes management, there are lots of things that I could do just that little bit better.  


If I were to pick just one thing though, I think it would be basal tests.  I hate basal testing, as I'm sure everyone does, but it's not so much all basal testing as those in the afternoon/evening - the ones that cover lunch and dinner times.  I'm pretty good with the overnight ones, and the morning ones I'm generally fine with - it's just a case of waking up and not eating breakfast.  But there's something about the other ares of the day that I just find...difficult.

I'm not sure what it is - I think part of it is that it's generally when I'm up and about, and I'm hungry.  Lunch ones are harder because I'm at work, and I generally need something to keep me going, not from an 'I need carbs' perspective, but purely from needing fuel to get me through the working day.  Added to that, there's the whole thing about people asking why you're not eating lunch, and then the well-meaning sympathy that you get because you have to fast for a few hours.  The evening ones tend to be a bit the same - I'm aways hungry in the evenings, and it's hard to make dinner for Stu and then not have anything myself.

I do keep and eye on things in other way - I can usually tell if things are needing tweaking by looking at my levels around meal times, and I have a few ways of figuring out if I need to alter my basal or my bolus (and I love temp basals), but I know that I could always do better by doing a couple more actual fasting tests!

Diabetes Blog Week 2012: One Great Thing

Tuesday 5/17 Living with diabetes (or caring for someone who lives with it) sure does take a lot of work, and it’s easy to be hard on ourselves if we aren’t “perfect”.  But today it’s time to give ourselves some much deserved credit.  Tell us about just one diabetes thing you (or your loved one) does spectacularly!  Fasting blood sugar checks, oral meds sorted and ready, something always on hand to treat a low, or anything that you do for diabetes.  Nothing is too big or too small to celebrate doing well! 

Alright, one thing I do well.  Hmmm...

One thing I am good at is keeping my pencil case organised and fully stocked:

This is my little diabetes on-the-go stash.  I posted about it in my picture post from last years blog week (though I've got a new pencil case since then!), and it's probably one of the most sensible things I do with regards to my diabetes.  In this little case, I have my meter, strips, finger pricker, ketone meter and strips, hypo treatment, a spare pen, insulin, a battery, a spare infusion set and a syringe.  It's quite amazing how much you can fit in one little case, and I love that pretty much everything I need to keep me going for a little while diabetes-wise is in there.  I started using it for work, and then realised that I can just stick it in a bag whenever I head out somewhere.  As I've found that this really helps with being spontaneous while being diabetic (no need to try and find everything if someone suggests heading out for a while), I've really made an effort to make sure that it's always keep up to date, and that I refill it whenever anything runs out.  It's just a little thing, but it's one thing I do well, and something that I find makes living with diabetes just that little bit easier. :)

Diabetes blog week 2011: What we've learned

What we’ve learned - Sunday 5/15: Last year, Wendy of Candy Hearts made a suggestion for this year. She commented “I think Day 7 should be a post about stuff we've learned from other blogs or the experience of coming together online...” Today, let’s do just that!! What have you learned from other blogs - either this week or since finding the D-OC? What has your experience of blogging the DBlog Week topics with other participants been like? What has finding the D-OC done for you? If you'd like, you can even look ahead and tell us what you think the future holds!

I think this might be my favourite topic this week. I owe so much to the DOC.

When I moved to Cambridge about five years ago, I was on two injections of mixtard a day, my HbA1c was in double figures, I barely tested and had stopped carb counting.  I wasn't because I didn't know how to do these things, or didn't realise their importance, it was just that it seemed that nothing I did made a difference.  I'd test, the number would be high, and there was nothing I could do - I had no fast acting insulin, or knowledge of how to correct even if I did.  I didn't know how to adjust my insulin, and it didn't seem to matter what I ate or did, my numbers were always Bad, and so I just stopped bothering.

The first thing the clinic at Cambridge did was switch me to MDI, which helped, but I was still suffering from what I now realise was a fairly extended burnout.  My HbA1c came down down a little, into single figures but only just, but I still felt like there was nothing I could really do, that I was powerless in the management of my diabetes.

And then, one day, I can't even remember how, I came across the DOC.  I've alwasy been fairly active online, parts of various forums and mailing lists (huge geek here ;)), but I'd never thoguht to look for anything diabetes related. I came across a couple of websites (diabetes daily was the first, I think) and it was amazing.  Here were all these people with diabetes, getting on with things, helping each other, talking about problems they were having and, most importantly, people who got it, who understood what it was like to live with diabetes.  It was a revelation.

I joined a couple of these forums, and began reading.  It was inspiring, especially knowing that there were people who had similar problems to me, but who had improved their diabetes control.  who still made mistakes, and tried things that didn't work, and had the random highs and lows, and didn't beat themselves up about it.  It gave me the motivation I needed.  I picked up a couple of books that were recommended for MDI, I learned about pumps and how to deal with whatever diabetes tried to throw at me.  I asked questions, and I took every opportunity to learn that I could, and put the new information I had to use.

And it worked.  My HbA1c came down from 9.1 to 7.5 in three months.  I felt so much better, and I realised that it was possible to live with diabetes and not have it control me.  It was so empowering.

Now I have a pump, and my HbA1c had been around 7% for the last three years.  All thanks to the wonderful DOC. :)

Diabetes blog week 2011: 10 things I hate about you Diabetes!

Ten things I hate about you, Diabetes - Thursday 5/12: Having a positive attitude is important . . . but let’s face it, diabetes isn’t all sunshine and roses (or glitter and unicorns, for that matter). So today let’s vent by listing ten things about diabetes that we hate. Make them funny, make them sarcastic, make them serious, make them anything you want them to be!!

I normally try to have quite a positive attitude towards my diabetes, after all it's not something that's going away any time soon, and so we have to find a way to live with it.  However, that doesn't mean I don't get pissed off at it...

1. I hate that you make everything just that little bit more difficult, and that I can't ever get a break from that.  I hate when you get in the way.

2. I hate that you take away the spontaneity.

3. I hate those pump set changes that hurt like hell

4. I hate that I have callouses/little dots over my fingers

5. I hate the inconsistency.

6. I hate that you made me sit through appointments where I was made to feel stupid or lazy or uncaring

7. This is for my immune system in general: this whole trying to kill me thing is getting old. Knock it off. Or at least let the two autoimmune disease I already have play nice together (Note: Giving me an autoimmune disease that requires steroids when I already have one with BG/insulin issues? *Not* playing nicely).

8. I hate that I'm going to have The Thought when I have kids. And that having kids is going to be harder (see point 1).

9. I hate that crappy feeling of not being able to think straight when I'm low

10. I hate that you force me to be practical, when sometimes I just want to buy the pretty sparkly bag without thinking about how my diabetes crap won't fit in it.

Actually, that was quite therapeutic!

Well hello there!

*blows dust off blog*

I haven't posted anything on this in quite some time (almost exactly a year to be specific), due to a few different reasons - mainly planning a wedding took up pretty much all of my spare time, but also because I took a little bit of a step back from interacting online in the DOC for a little while.  Not for any particular reason, but I felt that I needed a little bit of time where I wasn't thinking about diabetes quite so much, and I feel that it helped, and now my balance feels like it's been restored. :)

I've been wanting to get back into blogging for a while now, and I have a couple of posts that have been nagging at the back of my mind.  Next week is the third diabetes blog week, and it seems like a good opportunity to get back into blogging again.  I stopped blogging pretty much bang in the middle of last years, since I was on holoday for part of the week, and Blogger died for about a day while I was writing up the rest of the week's posts and postdating them, and I never got round to posting them since wedding planning kicked off properly at that point.

Since I have the posts pretty much written, I think I'm going to post the rest of them this weekend. I enjoyed writing them, and I want to have the week finished off, even if it is a year after they should have been up!  That way I can start fresh next week with this year's blog week. :)

Variety is the spice of life? Not if you're diabetic...

I've had a week of absolutely shocking BGs. I had a bit of a cold, but no worse than others I've had, and colds don't normally affect me too much. This time, however, I was seeing the high teens at least once a day, even with constant testing and correcting and temp basals. I was starting to get really worried and considering getting in touch with my DSN, or possibly my liver doctor (since the last time my numbers went nuts like this it was a sign that my liver was under attack), when I woke up on Friday with a BG in range, and they stayed like that all day, without need for temp basals or anything.

It got me thinking. I've said before that one of the things that I find most frustrating about living with diabetes is the apparent randomness that creeps in and affects your numbers.

There are so many variables to consider when we see a BG that is higher or lower than we'd expect. Is it a one off, or is it a run of them? If it's a one-off, you start trying to work out why - did you mess up the carb count of a meal? Did you forget to bolus? Have you been doing exercise/sitting doing nothing? Has something happened to stress you out? Is it a bad set? Have you somehow managed to kill you insulin? Is there a bubble in the tubing? What about insulin absorption or the kind of food you had? If it's a series of highs/lows, then a whole other set of considerations come into play - are you getting sick? Is it hormones? Is it a change in the weather? Have you changed weight? What about activity levels? Is there a pattern or is it just random? Basal or bolus? And a myriad of other possibilities.

Then, if you spot a pattern emerging, you have to deal with it. Sometimes it's straightforward - you're rising every day after lunch, you know your basal is right at that time, so you increase your insulin at lunch and that sorts it out. But then there's the other tricky little buggers. The ones where you've notice that it happens when you eat pizza, or do a particular type of exercise, or have a stressful time at work or some such.

So you have to try and sort it out, and the way to do that (like in so much of diabetes) is through trial and error. You can talk to other diabetics to see what they do, you can try altering an insulin dose or use a temp basal, alter carbs, or the timing of bolus. There are so many options, and even within those there are yet more variables - you decide to try a temp basal but how much? and for how long? You try things, test to see how they're working, and then you tweak, or you try something else. It's the only way to really do it, but the cost of making a mistake can be so huge - you end up low or high, and maybe it's only a little bit and quickly sorted out, but then there's the time it goes really wring, and you end up with a low that just won't come up, or you end of with ketones, or something else goes wring and you end up sitting there feeling like crap and wondering why you even bother.

Someone once told me that trying to manage diabetes is like trying to do a jigsaw puzzle when the pieces keep changing, and it just struck me as so true. What fits one day might not necessarily fit another, and we have to do this every single day. Things that other people take for granted we have to think so much about. Going for a wander around town, going to the cinema, having a drink with friends, having a busy day at work, eating, exercising, and a million other things. We do this every day, trying to cover for a part of our body that's gone on strike, that should do this automatically, responding to changes in our body and tiny little signals and information in increments that we can't possibly hope to achieve.

And yet we do it. We soldier on, we do our best, and we go on with our lives and refuse to let this condition defeat us, and (most of the time ;)) we do it without complaining or asking for any kind of recognition, or turning into babbling wrecks rocking in a corner.

And you know what? I think that makes us pretty damn amazing.

Positive attitude

I've had a few people say how much they admire my attitude in dealing with diabetes and AIH, and while I don't really feel that I'm doing anything special, I do try to be positive and just get on with it. Mainly because I think if I let myself get depressed and pessimistic and "woe is me" about things, I don't think I'd be able to deal with anything, and I refuse to let diabetes/AIH rule my life that way.

However, that doesn't mean that I don't have days where I get pissed off, where I wish it would all just go away, or at the very least behave itself, and I think that's ok as well, it's all part of the dealing process. I love xkcd in general, and when I saw this comic today, it really resonated with me, because it's so true.

In a completely random note I've just discovered that I actually have comments on some of my other entries! I do apologise for not responding, I wasn't being rude, I'd just figured that Blogger would send me email notifications if I received comments and apparently it doesn't...

Help! I've fallen over and I can't get up!

I have this weird territorial-ness about my diabetes. I've always seen it as *my* disease, since I'm the one who has to manage it, and who has to deal with the hypos, and the highs, and the decisions, and the consequences etc, etc... I'm always looking to expand my knowledge about diabetes and ways of living with it and I love chatting to other people and swap tips and advice and I get on great with my diabetes team, and I *love* being part of the DOC.

But there's a big part of me that hates asking for help. I'm not sure why, because one thing I think we're all aware of is that diabetes is not an easy thing to live with, and sometimes we all need a little help. I think it's something I grew up with - that attitude of just getting on with it, and in a lot of ways I think it's helped, because I refuse to let this disease get me down or prevent me from doing the things I want to do. However, I think I've also inherited this sense of not wanting to ask for help along with it. The whole idea of being able to manage on your own seems to have developed in my head into meaning that if you need to ask for help then somehow you've done something wrong or failed in some way and it's your fault. And I *know* that's wrong, and one one of the biggest challenges I've had to face in with diabetes is overcoming that attitude.

Because the thing about diabetes is that sometimes it forces you to ask for help. Like on Friday when I was in the supermarket (Tesco's this time...) and my BG dropped through the floor with very little warning (stupid steroids). I shoved 20g of jelly beans down my throat, and then realised it wasn't doing anything. I decided I needed I needed juice, got confused, and about the time my vision started going and I was having zone outs, realised the I needed to ask for help. Luckily I was with my fiancé, and as soon as I found him and said "my blood sugar is really low I need juice" he very calmly but firmly took control on the situation. He led me over to the juice, got some, paid for it and then made me drink it while he scanned the rest of the shopping and kept an eye on me. He was awesome, especially considering that was the first time he'd had to deal with me like that.

I felt...odd...for most of the night, and it took me a while to realise that the oddness was that I didn't feel embarrassed. I needed help, and I asked for it, and I didn't feel that Stuart thought any less of me for it or judged me. And you know what? That felt pretty damn good.

Horses or zebras?

I was out shopping yesterday afternoon, and when I got home I was gasping for a drink. Really, really gasping, so much so that I thought I should test my BG, as that kind of thirst usually indicates that I'm high.

So I test, and my meter beeps 5.4 at me.

Huh, I think, I could have sworn I was high, why else would I be so thirsty?

Yes, I had completely missed the obvious. The weather here has been a little bit on the tropical side. Wandering about all afternoon in 27 degree heat? Could that perhaps be the reason why I was thirsty??

I've been guilty of this before, and we had a discussion about how we've all done this during my DAFNE course. I've been diabetic so long, that if there's anything wrong I automatically assume it has something to do with the diabetes. If I feel sick, I first assume that I'm high and not that I might have a bug, or have eaten something that disagreed with me, or any other reason. If I'm thirsty, or tired, or feeling wobbly, I do the same thing.

I wonder if it's a preservation thing - if the problem is caused by diabetes then I want to get on top of it right away, whether it's by taking insulin or eating something. I'm very aware of how quickly things can go wrong and I've had it drummed into me since I was a small child that I shouldn't ignore things like hypo symptoms. In some ways, it's an easy answer as well. If I feel sick because my BG is high, then I can take some insulin and bring it down and feel better relatively quickly, whereas if it's a bug, there are no such guarantees. Either way, sometimes I really shouldn't ignore the obvious!